Mourning Thoughts

Grief for what was, love for what is.

Yesterday, after having written:

…I returned to bed for a spell listening to some music - a mix of work by Karina Rykman:

I then rested for a while, got up and showered. As I moved about the Bunker getting on with my day, I thought about all of the people who have crossed my path and sent my memory back over my life. I then returned to the present moment and thought about how I feel somewhat incomplete. Were I to shuffle off this mortal coil right now, could I feel that my life had meaning and resonance.

I spent a lot of time with others. Some of us stand out, to be sure, and others may as well be figures in the wall paper. I don’t know anyone else’s experience. While celebrating some, we tend to neglect others and, from my perspective, we seem to be oblivious to our own behavior. I turn that assessment on myself and ask, am I not as guilty as anyone else of doing exactly what others appear to be doing? I find that I am.

So what? Now what?

My entire work is about being awake and aware. After having this epiphany, I got together with some gentlemen via Zoom at Noon. We call ourselves “Rebellion Dogs” and we number usually less than 20 - although our contact list includes information for over 150 of us. I had some good words to say about staying in the game and, while I yet have breath in my body, doing what I can to be a good ancestor.

It is hard to deny that our species has done a job on this planet and our fellow creatures who share it with us. I’m now thinking of the National Zoo, not far from where I am writing this and the activity that one can observe there. I pause and reflect.

The answer to the question that heads this section is that I will get up and go to work at Daily Provisions and attempt to be the change I want to see in the world. I’ll try to stay awake and aware of others as I move from dawn to dusk and back again. What else is there to be done?

Why mourn?

I suppose that mourning the past is all about the love of what was and cannot be again. However, nothing is really lost. While everything is ephemeral; transient, it is just as true that everything that has every been still remains in the effects that the past has had on the present. As the song playing now says, “tomorrow’s not a given and right now is just the time!”

To answer the question, mourning is a way of acknowledging the past and, once done, moving into the present moment with an awarness of our current actions honoring that. It informs our action. Action is what it’s all about.

Yesterday afternoon, after shipping my watch off to Connecticut to be repaired, I went over to the Phillips Collection and toured the current exhibit which includes many pieces visiting from Barcelona, Spain. It’s just two blocks from the Bunker. I filmed a bit while there:

Stopping for a moment and realizing that all of history has led up to the present moment. Sitting in silence among the artifacts left behind by our species, wondering where it is all heading and knowing that to be able to simply sit and not have to do anything other than listen to the ambient sounds; this is a luxury. This is a privilege. This is unearned grace. We all have the ability to pause for a moment. Then it’s “onward!” - a term I use to close most of my posts before posting the buttons that remain unpushed, for the most part, at the end of the article.

Again, I don’t know. I just know how things seem to me and I could be wrong. It’s a helpful construct for navigating the world and all life with which I share the planet.

We are woven into each other’s lives and have the opportunity to celebrate that fact. I hope we do. I don’t know that we are aware enough of just how deeply connected we are. I want to dig in deep, but it is now time to get up and get dressed for the day. I’ll leave you with this question. What do you think? How is your life contributing to the health of life on this planet?

I have my ideas but I’d so love to hear yours!

Onward!

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