July 4, 2026

Another day in the Bonus Round

Stepping over the bodies while continuing to inhale the breath that sustains the imp traveling inside this body seems to me to be the essence of living in the world. I don’t have to think about it. It happens without my bidding, but I can consciously observe it and then move out into the universe; observing all that appears to be.

It’s been my thought that a good book of philosophy might be titled “Sein und Schein” for the rhyming of the words in German. It’s English translation would be “Being and Appearance.” I only know appearance. I only see the surface of things. I don’t know what actual being. By dint of physical limitations of information transition, I only know the immediate past.

From this platform of truth of my appearing to be, I write.

In the past several days, I’ve touched on a number of subjects. Much of it came from a series of texts from a friend somewhere out in the world who encountered a needless cruelty visited upon another human being. The context isn’t all that important. It happens and happens too often among iterations of our species. I call it primate behavior. My friend was sufficiently disturbed that he had the courage to call it out. He was told that he was showing a resentment in making his judgments on the actions of others. Those individuals to whom he addressed himself made no acknowledgment of the legitimacy of the others feelings. They labeled them “resentment” and recommended that he work a “fourth step” on them.

Later, just yesterday evening, I was sharing a bit of the biography of William D. Silkworth, MD who was the physician who treated William Griffith Wilson (Bill W.) at Towns Hospital in New York City. Bill was separated from alcohol for the last time on December 11, 1934. Interestingly, on December 12, 1934, Meher Baba arrived in New York City and while proximity isn’t necessary, I’ve found it to be an coincidence worthy of note. For more on Meher Baba, I recommend:

I digress.

When I did posted the bit about Dr. Silkworth, my friend the Everyday Junglist made an observation out of his experience to whit:

“So what happened? Because AA/NA today is about as full of compassion and as interested in interacting with real medical doctors as the Trump administration. And though they may not say alcoholism is a failure of willpower, instead they say it is something much worse, it is a moral failure. A lack of Godliness. And their inability to even consider the idea that abstinence is not the only method for escaping addiction has now completely erased the positive impacts its successes have had on addicts lives.

Their egos have grown so large that they have become trapped in an echo chamber of their own making. And, ironically, though they claim to despise all forms of drunkenness, they have become completely intoxicated by their own hubris. AA is an organization that lives and breathesmotivated reasoning. Constantly confirming its preexisting beliefs or desires, rendering them incapable of objectively evaluating how counterproductive their behavior is. They suffer from an anosognosia of competence where their total lack of self awareness, which stems from their swollen egos, prevents them from realizing the foolhardiness of the anti-science and anti-medicine position they continue to take.

It really bothers me to take such a hard line on an organization that was founded on an idea of making the world a better place, of helping people, but it bothers me more how they have perverted that principle of helping people and turned it into a weapon to beat people who do not agree with their methods over the head with and a haven for anti-science, anti-medicine, anti-modernity moralizing do as I say but not as I doers.”

I have also encountered individual members of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous who, due to ignorance or simply being too damaged as human concerns, end up using it as a shelter from which they can abuse others who may not know any better. I do what I can to direct folks to the source for AA principles as written, but it does little good as primates tend to listen more to the louder voices in their immediate proximity. The source, of course, is AA.org.

A good summary - imperfect, of course - of how a Newcomer can survive an encounter with the sorts of folks that my friends have come into contact follows:

A Newcomers (Survival) Guide to Alcoholics Anonymous

Firstly …....DON’T PANIC! Most AA meetings are still safe to be around, and most AA members only want to help you.... because helping you helps them as well. So everyone’s a winner! BUT.... and there’s always a BUT.....there are people associated with AA who aren’t very well, and have quite a different agenda. This article is intended to help you spot these pitfalls and avoid them. Otherwise enjoy the journey!

Membership of AA

You are a member of AA when you say you are. You don’t have to prove to anyone that you have a desire to stop drinking - or that you “qualify” for membership in any way - or present a doctor’s certificate - or swear an affidavit or even fill in a form. You decide …. end of! Similarly if you don’t want to be a member of AA any more? Guess what! It’s your choice. If you say you’re not a member of AA then you’re not a member of AA. Couldn’t be simpler could it!

Meetings

You can attend any AA meeting you like (anywhere in the world) and go to as few or as many as you wish – or even none at all. It’s your choice and no one else’s. If a group places ANY restriction on you attending a (closed) meeting (other than the fact that you meet the self-determined membership requirement) then it’s NOT AN AA MEETING.

Speaking (“sharing”) at AA meetings

Any member of AA can speak at an AA meeting (but one at a time – otherwise it’s gets a bit messy!). No one can censor what you say (other than according to the criminal law of the country). You can speak if you’re one hour sober or a lifetime off the booze. That’s your choice – and no one else’s! There are no qualifications for “sharing” eg. you do not need to have ‘done’ the programme, reached a certain step, have a sponsor etc in order to talk about your experiences. And of course if you don’t want to say a word you don’t have to. That’s your business.

Money

You can make a contribution to help pay for the expenses of running the meeting and maybe towards other costs incurred by AA in “carrying the message”. e.g. general service office, telephone service etc. Or then again maybe you don’t feel like giving – in which case you don’t have to. That’s your choice. But at least don’t take any money OUT of the pot!

Service

You can help out at meetings right from the start. But if you don’t want to and would rather just sit and listen (and share maybe) then you can do that as well. Remember – that is YOUR choice! And no one else’s.

The programme

Generally this refers to Alcoholics Anonymous “suggested” 12 Step programme. “Suggested” means advised. You may elect to follow this advice. On the other hand you may not. Either way this is your choice and …. NO ONE ELSE’S!

Experts

In AA there are no ‘experts’, ‘authorities’ or ‘bosses’. There are, however, people who think they are! Study guides, work sheets etc are entirely dispensable (including ours!) and none are provided by AA. Circuit speakers, “personalities” (for want of a better word) and gurus are merely the modern day equivalent of ‘snake oil purveyors’. If what they promise sounds too good to be true … guess what! It probably is. Remember! While they’re busy lecturing the rest of us are just getting on with our lives. Beware of the slick sales pitch because that’s precisely what it is! All that glitters is not gold! Or maybe it’s just fool’s gold! So why buy it!

Sponsorship (see here for some ideas on the subject)

It isn’t essential or even necessary for recovery, and no sponsorship is certainly better than bad sponsorship – and there’s plenty of that around. If you’ve stopped drinking and you’re getting some insight into your alcohol problem (and some possible solutions) then you’re ALREADY ON THE PROGRAMME... and you don’t need confirmation from anybody else as to whether you are or you aren’t! Don’t be in a rush. You’ve got your whole life to get well and it’s better to lay sure foundations now than rush ahead only to have to retrace your steps later. Again if anyone claims they can show you the way to overnight success then remember what we said about it sounding too good to be true. It is!

If you do decide you want a sponsor (and that’s your choice not theirs) then here are some things to look out for:

If someone offers to sponsor you (temporary or otherwise) they may have good intentions … or then again they may be control freaks looking for another victim. If in doubt DON’T take up the offer. Take your time and when you have got to know someone (and are confident they are NOT A CONTROL FREAK) then YOU MAY choose to ask them. Take the initiative and remain in control.

Don’t give your phone number out to anyone who asks. They may offer their number to you – that’s up to them. Again wait until you’ve got to know somebody before handing over this information. You have the right to privacy.

If, having got a sponsor, you find that they are trying to control any aspect of your life eg. relationships, medical treatment (including medication), therapy (eg. counselling), finances, relationships (sexual or otherwise), employment, dress code (No! We’re not kidding here!), which meetings you attend, what time you contact them etc then you have by definition lumbered yourself with a control freak. This is not sponsorship. This is someone playing God! Again … DON’T PANIC – unlumber yourself forthwith... and then it’s back to the drawing board! Don’t blame yourself for the decision. Put it down to experience and move on.

The same guidelines apply with groups. Most AA meetings are run by members who are there simply to help. They will share their experience, strength and hope with you but the rest is your responsibility. But some meetings are run by groups of people (we call them cults) who want to run your life. Don’t let them. Again don’t be fooled by appearances. Some of these operations are quite slick and appear impressive. But again … look out for fool’s gold. The fake stuff gleams just as prettily but just try and cash it in!

REMEMBER:–

You DON’T have to put up with bullying! You’re worth more than that

You DON’T need your life run for you by someone else. That’s YOUR responsibility

You have the RIGHT to THINK FOR YOURSELF. Don’t let anyone try and undermine that

You have the RIGHT to FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION – don’t let anyone try and stifle that

Your HIGHER POWER is your choice – no one else’s

It’s YOUR PROGRAMME OF RECOVERY that counts! Not theirs!

And finally - we did not escape the tyranny of alcoholism simply to be subjugated by another alcoholic. Freedom is the magic word!

Have fun! (and that IS a suggestion!)

Cheerio

The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)

This was published by AACultWatch which is based in the UK. It is a service that I believe is necessary. The literature of AA.org will abundantly support it in most ways.

Since this is Independence Day here in the USA, I think it is only fitting that we all declare our own independence in finding our own path from dawn to dusk and back again EVEN as we are also dependent upon each other and our civilization. To maintain the plant here (namely me) I require the work of myriad individuals who are working together to produce the things that I consume. If we are honest with ourselves, we all can see this. We are not separate. We are one species weaving our history on this planet and leaving traces of our having been here.

One has to be rather inattentive not to notice that there are many who are struggling and I’m not just talking about people. Look at nature also. Now I am reminded of a tune by Neil Young:

“Look at Mother Nature on the run in the 1970’s” - and that’s been a full 50 years ago.

We could go on. I have gone on. I don’t know if I am reaching anyone unless they respond substantively to the signals that I’m sending out. Meanwhile, the Ghost Light hangs on the stage where I tap these messages out into cyberspace. My shadow is cast and my anima stands by ready to be projected out onto any passing female. Her shadow too is part of me. We are always here in the Bunker together. We don’t know. We just know how things seem to us and we are One.

Again, the Pleroma (AKA the YouTube algorithm) has served up “Parvardigar” -

Clearly, I am meant to amplify this signal through cyberspace - as if Pete Townshend required amplification beyond that which he brings to the world. Yet, if I stop and think about it, we all have helped Pete be heard. We’ve seen him through the rough spots. He is just one voice among many but is persistent.

Yesterday, I happened upon a blast by Marc Maron gushing about Patti Smith. I must do the same. She is my inspiriation, along with Ronnie Lane, for posting the Passing Show as often as I do. I don’t know why I feel the need to explain myself again, but I do want to be understood. I also seek to understand all of this that we have created together over the past years. I’ve been here for exactly 63 years and 5 months of it.

When I was 5 months old, John F. Kennedy was our president. He would be assassinated on November 22, the day Aldous Huxley and C. S. Lewis also died. We have their works to look back upon though. We keep the dead alive.

I hope that more than a few of you are listening to Parvardigar with me as I am writing this. It is coming to a close here. Next up from the Pleroma is:

This song formed the background of my time just after the bicentennial. We should get thunderstorms today. Into every life, a little rain must fall. Personally, I love watching the progress of weather and am reminded of how Meher Baba says that we are all “drop souls” and will return to the ocean of bliss.

Now I’m thinking of a friend who recently chose their own exit. I almost successfully chose mine. It was necessary, I suppose, having these experiences. The idea actually flashed through my head this morning also. Stay in the game. It’s another day in the bonus round as noted in the subtitle. What’s the game called? “Beat The Reaper” - and the reaper always wins in the end. I am grateful to have breath in the body. At any given moment, we are but moments from death should we stop breathing, you know. Fortunately our autonomic nervous systems are geared to prevent willful expiration.

All of this has been inspired by standing by my father’s hospital bed at Riverside Doctor’s Hospital on April 7, 2024 and watching him expire at the age of 91+. I’m grateful that he was released from his suffering as it had taken a very long time and involved a great deal of pain. We used to laugh when I’d mention Upasni Maharaj’s statement that one should not mind plain. One should cheerfully bear it. I summed it up with a paraphrase: “Bear your pain with pleasure. Then you’ll have lots of pleasure!” It usually gets a laugh of recognition…of release…of acceptance of its truth.

Now, a medley is coming up from 4 Way Street by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young:

The rendition is beautiful. I’m so grateful to these four men for the lives that they have led alongside the rest of us on the platform of this planet. We’ve all been weaving history, as I’ve mentioned numerous times. Every cent we spend is vote for the kind of world that we are co-creating. There’s more that I want to say to all of you. I want to inspire you to be the best iterations of yourSelves that you can be. I’ll be doing my best “Hal Gill” impersonation when I go out from here.

What is it that I’m feeling as I’m listening to “Cinnamon Girl” right now? I’m remembering my senior year in high school when I was the lab partner of a cheerleader. I didn’t have the confidence to ask her out but I was grateful for the attention. That year was pretty good, so far as I saw. I felt I had come through the worst of it as my junior year had many horrific moments. It corresponded with my father losing both of his parents - the first Harold B Gill departing on August 13, 1979 and his mother leaving in May 1980. He bore the loss stoically. “This much madness is too much sorrow” - and we spent a lot of time “down by the river” in my senior year.

“Be on my side. I’ll be on your side. There is no reason for you to hide. It’s so hard for me staying here on my own, when you could be taking me for a ride.” - and so it ends.

Next is “I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You” by Tom Waits:

This takes me back to the spring of 1997 when I had a short love affair with the then-Medical Director of Neuropsychiatry of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. I remember most of it very well. I wish at times that I could have been “the One” for her, but it was not to be. Gifts were exchanged and I hope that some of them are still in her possession. I have my memories. I enjoy them a lot. I’ve been doing pretty well overall, surviving the ups and downs. Had she not dumped me, I probably would not have encountered “good” AA - because that is exactly what I did. I went to get sober or kill myself on the morning of November 13, 1997. I was fortunate to encounter real AA there in room G16A of the Cathedral of Learning. I know that good AA is hard to find there now. It’s hard to find generally. We are responsible for that. Primates…

Now the pleroma has served up some Bob Dylan from the year of my birth:

It is a perfect compliment to my memories of my early life. President Kennedy calls up Bob Dylan in this tune. The covershot was done on Jones Street in Greenwich Village. Part of my own history - Veteran’s Day weekend 1995 - was played out there. I was staying with an Italian communist friend of my then-girlfriend who hailed from Sardinia. We were in the process of breaking up at the time. We’d get back together in the fall of 2005 and spend New Year’s Eve between 2005-2006 together in Rome.

Life will kill you, that’s for sure. Keep breathing as long as possible. Now served up is another Neil Young tune which I learned on Mt. Prospect over Whitefield, New Hampsire in 1983:

I was on a date with our waitress at the Spaulding Inn Club where the Colonial Virginia Lawnbowling Team was taking on the Colonial New England Lawnbowlers. We won, as it turned out. Again, memories of this time are with me still. I was not at all well. I drank constantly in those days and I’d attempt to stop abruptly late that summer leading to me spending Labor Day weekend in the maximum security ward of Eastern State Hospital where the other inmates told me that I was “the Alpha Omega” - meaning that I was running the whole show from there.

The funny thing is, because we are all intertwined with everything, every one of us is an iteration of the one. We are our own beginning and our own end. We are brief flashes on the surface of eternity…we rise and fall like water blasted from a fountain rises and falls. I’m on the downward trajectory now.

“The Weight” comes up now and how appropriate. We put the load right on ourSelves.

So, this essay has meandered with the tunes but there is a fundamental note here. We are responsible for the world we are shaping with every decision we make, with every step we take, whether we take those steps consciously or unconsciously. The final alarm is about to go off and that means that I have to take up my position at the host station at Daily Provisions. If you are in DC, drop by! I’ll be on until 2:30 PM.

Onward!

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