Energy Ebbs
But does it matter?
Writing is a foundation of Harrowings, which seeks to scratch the surface of this life I’m living. I did a bit of thinking as I was given the opportunity to participate in a book project by Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi. I’m grateful for her interest, but I am declining the opportunity and I’m looking into why. I don’t have a clear answer other than that I have taken on a physically demanding job at Daily Provisions and don’t want to spend the time on it. I also had to decline an offer to help Lee Penman in his work that came up at the same time. I am limited.
Earlier today, I was sending out my gratitude list to the crowd of people to whom I send this. I send it to each individual independently via an SMS text. It focused on this quotation:
“Every visionary, every person of greatness and originality, is a resounding yes to life — to the truth of their own experience, to the demanding restlessness of the creative spirit, to the beauty and brutality and sheer bewilderment of being alive — a yes made of unfaltering nos: no to the way things are commonly done, no to the standard models of what is possible and permissible for a person, no to the banality of approval, no to every Faustian bargain of so-called success offering prestige at the price of authenticity.”
Source: https://www.themarginalian.org/2025/12/05/patti-smith-bread-of-angels/
The richness of this essay, inspired as it is by Patti Smith’s memoir Bread of Angels, is a ripple effect of that stimulus. In short, reading it seems rewarding. As for bewilderment, that would describe me to a “T” in terms of how I am feeling most days; bewildered but in a state of awe…
Being limited is not altogether a bad thing. Letting go of this life and all the things that I might do, versus the things that I am willing to do, is a process. I’m sitting here listening to a piece on YouTube called “The Psychology of Self-Transformation” and thinking of how it is lovely that the algorithm served it up just after I spent some time with a group of people who were discussing the reduction of ego and the necessity of surrender in recovery.
To cut to the chase, I think I’m saying “no” to opportunities because I want to do what I want to do and I want to do it the way I want to it; just in this manner and not in any other manner that might present itself. This might be reducing me and my opportunities, but I don’t know. It seems to me that I do a great deal as I am here now.
Just breathing is sufficient right now. It is the essence of spiritual experience, living in the world as it continues to evolve. I could go on, and often do! I think I will.
Last fall, I engaged Charlotte Del Signore as a coach. It wasn’t the first time. Two years ago this past week, I engaged Sunny Trippel as a vocal coach to help me reach into my psyche and sing my grief. Both provided their services and I hope that engaging them helped “move the needle” a bit for them. I’ve also been working to amplify the voices of others. My voice? Well, I use it too, but I don’t feel that is as important as the little connections that I facilitate.
I started my work with Sunny Trippel with this number:
This version, played at the Fillmore West when I was just shy of 7 years old, is worth a listen, I believe. I find it quite prophetic. We are still living in this shadow a little over 56 years later. I like to move in time increments like this. Think of it - 56 years before this, it was 1913. We were on the verge of “The Great War” as it would be called. Visions assaulted Carl Jung’s consciousness in this time:
In 1913, Carl Jung broke with Sigmund Freud, marking a pivotal turning point in his career that triggered a personal “confrontation with the unconscious,” a period of intense psychological transformation. He separated from the psychoanalytic movement to develop his own analytical psychology, experiencing apocalyptic visions of a blood-filled sea that he later interpreted as premonitions of World War I. [1, 2, 3]
Key events and developments in 1913:
Break with Freud: Jung resigned as president of the International Psychoanalytical Society after a contentious separation from Freud, caused by disagreements on the nature of the unconscious.
The “Red Book” Beginning: Feeling his career was at risk and enduring high stress, Jung began recording his vivid fantasies, visions, and dreams, which would become Liber Novus (The Red Book).
Apocalyptic Visions: In October 1913, Jung experienced an overwhelming, recurring vision of a massive flood submerging Europe and turning into blood. He interpreted these intense, personal experiences as a necessary exploration of his own psyche.
Academic Work: Despite his personal turmoil, he presented his new concepts of introverted and extroverted personality types at the Fourth International Psychoanalytical Congress in Munich in September 1913.
Mental Turmoil: Jung described this period as a time of immense inner pressure, where his psychological stability was tested by intense inner experiences, which he referred to as a “confrontation with the unconscious”. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6]
Premonitions have been a part of my experience as well. These days, as I help customers get their orders in at Daily Provisions, I’m finding that I can tell how they spell their names, most of the time. This reminds me of Willem Dafoe’s abilities as a character named Emit Flesti in “Far Away, So Close.”
In another part of the film, he tells Cassiel (Karl Engel) that there’s a name, written on his forehead, written in tears…and this apparently comes from Revelation 14:1 (NIV) which reads: "Then I looked, and there before me was the Lamb, standing on Mount Zion, and with him 144,000 who had his name and his Father's name written on their foreheads." This verse presents a vision of Jesus (the Lamb) victorious on Mount Zion with his sealed, faithful followers, marking a shift toward hope after the beast's persecution.
I don’t know. I just know how things seem to me and I might be wrong. I can get perspectives from others if I am open to them. Impressions of how a person spells their name is an interesting game to play as I seek to help people get what they want when they want it. I’m a gatekeeper of sorts to the experience of whatever they wish to incorporate into their being. It’s a role I play as I move from dawn to dusk and back again. I’m so grateful for the opportunity!
But this means that I might have to say “no” to other opportunities as I do what I do within the web of connections that we form as a species among all life on earth. It is a temporary job, life is. We are brief flashes on the surface of eternity.
Here’s the trailer to the whole film, Far Away, So Close:
I highly recommend seeing this. Meanwhile, onward!